Toss Up

Oh how interesting October has turned out to be. Full of many feelings and much incentive to act on those feelings, I went from feeling like I was being a big help, to feeling completely helpless myself. This month has taught me things about help, in general; when helping is actually helpful versus when it does more harm than good. Yesterday I found a blog that really helped me understand some of the boundaries of help. I've attached it here : https://medium.com/learn-unlearn-relearn/why-i-stopped-helping-people-and-you-should-too-36d09d04784c

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My recent conclusion led to me move on from the company & people I thought I had been helping, so that I could regain control of my mental health and sustain a strong foundation on personal importance of boundaries and balance. Immediately upon acting on my decision I felt a weight lift from my shoulders. I left positively, leaving a great space for whoever chooses to fill those shoes. I laughed and spoke openly with my new friends, leaving hugs and positive feelings.

There was about a week or two in between the process when I dealt with the sinking feelings of not acting on my beliefs when I felt I should. Second guessing., holding myself back. Basically it sucked. I don't know why I put myself through it. I'm sure when I look back even a few more weeks from now I'l have more clarity on that.

It feels good to get back into my regular routine of doing what feels right.

Waking up to a very nippy 3 degrees, Starbucks failed me in the early hours of the day as I could not stay more than an hour due to ongoing goosebumps and teeth chattering. It's usually always way too cold in those places for me. Sometimes I try it anyways. I returned to the house, which was also cool and in attempts to create some heat I got started in the kitchen. I had a pumpkin on the shelf I knew I needed to use. I tried, but perhaps I chose a bad example recipe. The pumpkin recipes didn't turn out and all I was able to salvage were the seeds. One of my favorite parts, but still. In an urge to make things more cheery I made more things. I started with blueberry muffins, then chocolate zucchini loaf. I don't always like baking, but it seems like when I do I really do.

I just recently received photos back from Jenna Myers. This shoot was so fun and super special because we shot in a super natural and cozy setting. I've posted a few photos from our set in this blog. I love the set, I find it very sharp and dramatic. I like the way the lighting is moody and mysterious. I love Jenna's style and was so happy to receive our finished set.

Tomorrow is a big day as I've got two classes, back to back. I'm excited to see the kids, and the art. I plan to spend most of the day in Kelowna as there's a few creative things/programs I'd like to check out in the area.