Banter and recent reflections

I wish I made time to write like this everyday, like I have been over the past few days.

It's been such a nice time for me to get organized and get into my zone.

Being here, at the coffeeshop in person again, to sit down has reminded me that I've missed that coffee shop time.

There's something about that flow of people coming and going that my sense of productivity really vibes off.

It feels as though I fall into a deep flow and between my list and writing here, all kinds of things happen.

Although I filled the void fast during the time I was "forbidden" to go.

I'd be fine either way, I figured it out before, I'd figure it out again.

While I was away, I had some fun making my own coffee from home.

On top of tasting perfectly to my preference each time, turns out they're much more sustainable, price wise.

note * this portion may appear to have a slightly more dreary or clouded sense of composition and demeanor.

I'm embracing these moments of deep inner sadness I have been experiencing, as they come and as I feel them. I am choosing to give them recognition and identification.

When it comes, I can feel the sadness in my pelvis. I feel it deep. I feel it creep up my spine and into my neck and out through my shoulders. I feel it intercepting thoughts and causing me to stare blankly into things and spaces. Searching for focus and clarity but distracted still by the feelings and overwhelming nature of the sadness. Writing helps, and acceptance helps.

It's not an easy world to live in.

Isn't it Dolly that said: "Everybody wants sunshine, nobody wants pain, but you can't have a rainbow without a little rain."

The other half of my enthusiastic and optimistic self, feels those feelings in great depth and thought as well.

Honestly helps.

Ironically though,

I don't think talk directly often anymore.

I express myself in metaphors, monitoring eyes to see who catches the thoughts.

It's such a loud world.

Sometimes, in the silence, truth speaks.

On another subject and note,

Yesterday was a day worth remembering.

I spent time with Cailee in the morning from 10-2 and then Jessica and I skated for an hour between 3-4 .

It was nippy during our skate but we braved it out and shared a lot of laughs., the past few days have been cold for sure, what are you going to do about it?

My general life goal is always to try to make the best out of whatever I may find myself going through.

Cailee had my back so hard yesterday. Girls so freaking golden. Her creative and bright, vibrant personality shines so much. I love it when she has time to hang. We chilled and chatted and then we went down to her studio and picked out stencil and placement for my newest stick and poke (done by her <3). I loved the crying cherub stencil she pulled out of her collection. I've been collecting cherubs for about a year now and doing my researching about them as well. We placed it in a "special" location. Felt like it belongs there.

I'm quite thrilled by it. It's very exciting.

She sang to me while she poked it into my skin.

I think I'm getting used to the feelings it brings.

Her singing soothed the pain for sure. I feel so blessed when my friends sing to me.

I love to sing but often lack the courage to do it in front of others, friends or not.

One of my goals in coming out this afternoon was to transfer some of the video footage I've been capturing of life from my phone to my laptop, as it appears I've filmed as much as I can film at this point. The electronic film role is full.

The videos take their sweet time to transfer.

Some are longer than others, I have to assume those ones take even longer to transfer through.

Yesterday while skating with Jess I took a niiccccceeee 10 minute long video of our skating adventures.

It did feel a bit excessive, but I really wanted to capture her insane figure skating skills.

I converted several portions of it into GIF's already. I'm deciding still whether I need to transfer that whole file or whether I am fine to let it go.

So far the transferred percentage is small, smaller than I might have hoped.

Slowly but surely, I continue.

While I let the details sort themselves out in the transferring process, I've worked on this blog and also done some research in preforming artists this new year. I love a good music video.

As time passes I feel I get more and more in touch with my own ability to preform and captivate. It is a gift indeed.

Since I'm trying to transfer videos right now, I've taken a break from photo downloads and have not yet downloads photos pertaining to my new Cherub tattoo by Cailee. I wanted to share a few of those, but since I don't have them stored on file quite yet, I've decided to share more "light focused" photos for now.