Processing Changes

My life has always been cluttered with change.

Sometimes at such a rapid pace that it feels there's not time or space to adjust.

Yet still, the changes persist. If there is one consistency in my life, it has been indeed the sudden waves of change that sweep over me and my life without a moments notice.

This morning, as the winter weather pushes colder, harsher winds into the city, I feel the change hard. Slowly, over a period of several hours, I transition from waking up to being ready for the day. Normally I (very slowly) pull the covers back in the morning and turn the heat on, giving my body a chance to warm up before I even get out of bed.

Today being my day off and not many plans made in advance, I pushed myself to be soft with myself during those initial morning hours. Reconsidering any sense of pressure or thoughts of rush, taking my time to wake up and get ready is a gift I did not want to deny myself today.

So often I find I push myself to do more and be more, often at the expense of my own well-being. Mostly I do genuinely enjoy the things I push myself to do, but sometimes I find myself exhausted from the mental exertion of it all.

This week I'm encouraging myself to try some new techniques when it comes to getting things down and checking things off the list.

Normally my lists are quite large. I realize sometimes I overwhelm myself in this way.

I wrote out a big list yesterday that included a few somewhat daunting tasks, and within a few hours I felt myself stressing all the tasks on the list and feeling discouragement towards possibly not being able to get them all done within the time frame I'd anticipated.

A bit of time on the phone with a good friend reminded me of the cycle and path I was going down. Softly, he related to what I was going through and those feelings of wanting to get it all done, before circling back to the same calm reminder that it is okay if it doesn't all get done in one day.

In retrospective I've been trying not to pressure myself to complete the lists and tasks rapidly at all. I know I'd rather have the things done well and properly than in any sort of rushed manor. A small sense of encouragement fills me as I remember that since they are on the physical list, a small portion of the work has already been done.

Some of the tasks require more energy and attention the others.

Some tasks are easier and I have lots of experience doing them already.

(most of those tasks are done already).

As I check things off the list I feel encouraged and excited to be creating space for more of what I enjoy and would like to learn more about.

Yesterday I checked off some tasks around the house: the laundry, also a diligent clean of the kitchen and the bathroom . Cleaning really is so therapeutic to me. I felt as though the space reflects me more, and I like the way it feels and looks in its cleaner state.

I Also took a load of organized clothing to a store I like to consign with from time to time. They sort through and take anything they think might sell in their store. I took what was given back to me to a thrift store near by. This was the last pile of things I had in my car from last weeks organizing. It felt great to get that dealt with and out of the way. My new place is substantially smaller than where I was living before. It feels essential for me to sustain a strong level of organization and cleanliness in this space!

I also started this blog yesterday, a task that hasn't made it on my weekly list yet.

I love lists for so many reasons.

It's such a great way to create a sense of mindfulness around the day.

I've decided to stretch the list I'd originally made for Monday into a week-wide list. My main hope is that the tasks might be done with less pressure and more quality.

So far the technique has really taken the load off. I appreciate the longer interval of time amounted for me to do the tasks, they are done better when I'm not worrying about what else I need to be doing.

Essentially, there is no rush.

For now, here is a photo from one of my most recent shoots with Vic Kirby. We have gone out on a few creative walks/ shoots over the past months and it has been wonderful to have that time to create and catch up.