Sleeplessness

I've been processing big changes over these past few months.

From moving into my own place, to getting and working a new job., the changes throughout the last half of 2020 have been ongoing and without pause.

It's November 30th.

3 45 am.

I've been tossing and turning for at least an hour and have decided to try to pass the time a different way for a while. The tossing and turning I didn't feel was helping me get through my thoughts clearly at all.

I did an audio recording briefly before coming to the conclusion that writing might do me some good.

I've been enjoying recording thoughts for several months now.

Some days I completely forget to do it.

Other days I do several recordings throughout the day.

It's a practice I've tried to make more normal and familiar in my own life over time.

The past one I recorded including some emotion I was not expecting. My tired eyes filled with water as I push myself to say the words and tell the stories I have been stowing away.

Lately It's been harder for me than ever to write down and share some of the deeper and more prevalent thoughts I've been having about life and my experiences.

I hope as time passes this becomes less of an issue for me.

As December arrives, I greet the month with optimism and hope in my heart.

As I wrote the line above I was reminded of one of my favorite quotes which I appreciate very much right now:

" I have been bent and broken but I hope into a better shape."

I have been allowing my imperfections to eat away at me these past few days of November.

The weight of the blame I have placed on myself over the past week is heavy and tends to cloud my perspective. I don't like the sad effect it has on me.

I look forward to the coming December days and visualize them as days filled with light and love.

In retrospective, November and previous months have felt very much that way as well.

This past summer and fall has been an adventure I seem to recall more of with each day that passes.

It's been an hour of me jotting down my thoughts here.

I feel my eyelids getting heavy and wonder if they will team up my body and allow me 1-2 more hours of rest before my day begins. I will try and see what happens.

I was not expecting to be up at this time, and writing.

On a positive note, I feel relived to have my writing goal for the month completed.

I've had so much on my mind lately.

This blog in particular may not be the best at showing it, but writing is a really important method I use to find clarity and get organized with many of my thoughts.

I've been a bit obsessed with the sunrises and sunsets I've been seeing as I drive to and from work and explore different views and skyscapes throughout the city. These pinks are from last nights sunset.